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Abraham_86
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Name: Caleb
Country: United States
State: Missouri
Metro: St. Joseph
Birthday: 9/26/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: I am a ninja and I like to eat baby seals. On my days off I am a Pirate who searches for booty (thats pirate slang for Buried Treasure)
Expertise: I am a Musician and I like music. I play it and write it, etc. blah blah blah, who reads this stuff anyway?
Occupation: Unemployed/Between Jobs
Industry: Hospitality
Message: message me
Member Since:
5/26/2005
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| Well, I just wasted an hour of my life watching TV. No, not ordinary TV, but shallow, empty, soul-sucking TV. Celebrity Breakups was on, and I saw who the top four breakups were between. WHY? Who cares about glorifying another persons life because of their status as a well known character in the public eye? Look, Tom Cruise is scratching his butt. Woah, get some pictures, put it in the tabloids and talk about it on E!, interview him about it, write a story in World News Weekly that says he has hemeroids. People are stupid.
I later watched Made, a show on VH1...or was it MTV?...about a somewhat geeky kid, not entirely confident in himself, who needed to be manipulated into a prom prince. There are several things wrong with this, and I will go about them in an orderly fashion.
- This guy won the prom prince title. Or did he? If it was legit, then they actually voted for the person who had conformed to the "Cool" image. Sold out if you will.
- None of that could possibly be real in the least. How can you have a "Date", pick up a prom companion, campaign and whatnot...while you have a CAMERA CREW following your every move.
- How do kids at a high school VOTE for someone who has had a CAMERA CREW following them around? Word gets around that he is on a TV show that makes him into a prom prince. They see the attention he gets, and hear about the TV show and still vote in a completely un-biased way to be sure that the right candidate for prom prince is chosen. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad the guy won. Hes a better choice than the dumb air head mega-popular sluts and braindead jocks who usually win.
- If the vote hadn't fallen his way, would the producers have let that slide? What resistance can a highschool prom committee put up against a nationwide pop-culture channel?
Arg. I have wasted my life.
Caleb
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| Man you guys, have you ever just been having a fairly normal day and
then suddenly you are hit with an urge or a longing for something
huge? I was driving home from having some hot white chocolate
with extra blue-berry syrup when I was overwhelmed with my need to be a
rock star. "Haha, a rock star" some of you might say. Well,
here is how I would respond to you if you had actually said that to me.
I am going to be involved in music no matter what. Teaching,
writing, playing etc. I probably can't write music for a living
unless I get some sweet hook ups. Or unless my last name is
Williams. I am currently on track to receive a degree in Music
Education. Sounds like a crummy job as a middle school band
director struggling to get your band to play in tune and constantly
putting up with nagging parents who want their child to be featured in
The Nutcracker Suite which is a standard among most middle school bands.
So, I figured, I'm gonna probably teach somewhere and write music when
I can. Maybe get money for it, maybe not. But then I
thought, what if I was a rock star? This was not a boyish dream
along with those of being an astronaut, cowboy or fireman. I feel
a longing to the stage, the high energy crowds of live performances by
fast and energetic bands. Truth be told, I would play drums for
the David Crowder band in a heartbeat. They are just the right
mix of rockness and worshipness. Well, I wouldn't mind being a
bit more rocking but I would be perfectly content there (or so I think).
In short, I have no idea what to do with my life. I know what I
want to do for sure, but then again, how many people actually get to do
it for a living? Should I drop everything I've worked for at
school and join a garage band? Should I stick with my degree and
come away from school with 4 and a half years of education in a field
that I can only find myself enjoying in rather narrow
circumstances? I don't even care if my band makes it very big or
not, I just want to be able to play and support myself and maybe my
family. (The maybe was a way of saying I didn't know if I would
have one at that point. Not that I was contemplating whether I
would support them or not). Bah.
I have a good friend and co-worker. Her name is Jessica
Elder. She likes to say the phrase: "Life sucks and then you
die". I happened to find a biblical way of saying that and it
comes from Ecclesiastes 6:12 and says "Life is short and meaningless,
and it fades away like a shadow. Who knows what is best for us? Who
knows what will happen after we are gone?" Translation: Life
sucks, then you die. Thanks Jess.
Well, I am off to go cry over my lack of rockstardom or something pitiful like that.
Bye.
P.S. If you ever want to hear a really pretty but strikingly
creepy song, listen to John Wayne Gacy Jr. by Sufjan
Stevens. But first, go here and read about him. Beware though, it is not for the faint of heart.
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| Self analysis report:
I am unstable and erratic. For example, I will do great with kids
for a while, such as my much younger cousins. I am their best
friend, playful, caring and patient when my personal space is invaded
time after time. But before too long, I am not the way I had just
been. Something happened and I ran out of steam. I like to
say that life is a marathon, not a sprint and I seem to be huffing and
puffing a lot, unable to gain the right pace to sufficiently carry on
till the proverbial finish line.
The same goes for being a good friend, boyfriend, husband or family
head. I have not been the latter two, but I have been the
former. I may go through spurts where I can do all sorts of so
called great boyfriend type things or be an awesome friend to the
people close to me, but they never seem to last because not long after,
I predictably reverse the process and become a mediocre person
again. Which is worse: the situation just mentioned, or just
being a consistently cruddy guy? The situation just mentioned, or
being consistently somewhere in between? An even better question
is this: How can one overcome the ups and downs of this cycle, or maybe
a more accurate question is "How?"
Arg. I bet MacGyver never had trouble with this. He could
fix any situation with a toothpick, a toaster and a hard-boiled
egg. I would too except that all of the eggs here are over-easy.
Bah, adios from Vermont. Tomorrow, we drive about 12 hours, about
half of that is in Canada. Then we drive another 12 hours to get
home. Hows that for a road trip, eh?
Bye bye.
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We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar
Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;
Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
Remember us -- if at all -- not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.
....................
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang, but with a whimper
T.S. Eliot - The Hollow Men
I spend a week at a Hispanic youth camp down in Warsaw. Let me
tell you that I had beans for every meal except two. That would
be 9 out of 11. Beans for every breakfast except for one.
The cabin I was staying in got smelly when the kids began to
relax. But anyway, my spanish is considerably better now because
of a 5 day immersion into the Hispanic culture. Because of our
relatively small number of campers, we were able to take a trip to
Truman Lake. Unfortunately, we did not have enough cars to
accommodate all the campers, but who worries about that at Hispanic
camp? I had 4 kids in my back seat.
Bullies. I absolutely can't stand bullies. People who find
enjoyment out of ridiculing the different, the strange and the
sheltered. There was a kid at camp who was a sheltered
missionaries kid and he was picked on in various ways, some not even
obvious to some people. These two bullies however, found great
enjoyment at being "Friendly" to hear him say various things and
laughing about it later, pointing out how strange he is. How sad
it is that these kids have such a primary form of entertainment.
My heart goes out for the bullied as well as the bullier. I can
see how a cruddy upbringing will affect people and the bullies are no
exception. However, that doesn't keep my blood from boiling and
wishing I could tie them up and slap some sense into them. I mean
that figuratively. I want them to have sense, but I will slap
them if that is what it takes. I don't want all of you out there
to think I am a child abuser.
I think that's all I feel like writing about. I might start work
on a choral piece soon that is based on either the poem above or
scripture from Romans chapter 7. "So I find it to be a law that
when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.....Wretched man that
I am, who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to
God through Jesus Christ our Lord"
Hmm, what do you guys think? T.S. Eliot, or Paul?
Peace.
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|  | Currently Listening
Arriving
By Chris Tomlin, Steven Curtis Chapman
How great is our God
see related |
With the summer beginning, I sat back and took a good look at what I'm
gonna make of the summer and specifically my ability to deal with my
emotions. I have been so busy at college that now that I have a
bunch of free time on my hands, I have no idea what to do with. I
am going to do a whole lot of reading this summer, thats for
sure. I don't want to spend very much time in front of the
TV. So don't any of you go asking me about the OC or All My
Children because I'm not watching. I am off track.
Here is a pattern I have noticed about people and their
abilities. The people with the greatest ability for good also
have the greatest ability for evil. Take Paul for example.
Paul used to be Saul who helped out with the stoning of Christians, and
was notorious for his persecution. After the Lord got ahold of
him, he was an immensely great witness for his faith. The
majority of the New Testament is written by Paul.
I think the same applies to people and their emotional ability. I
have always had a tough time dealing with good-byes. You would
think I could handle it after so many years of moving between Peru and
the US, but it is still tough. I had a nice talk with my parents
last night, and they brought up the point that I have always had that
difficulty, but it also makes my friendships all the more great.
Because I can feel such a deep sorrow, I can also feel a greater
joy. In my spiritual journey, I can feel great dips and
depressions, but I can also feel the greatest of fulfillment and joy in
Christ.
This got me wondering if there was a way to rid myself of the ability
to be so low in those aspects of my life, but still retain the ability
of the great. I am still developing this whole train of thought,
but let me throw this thought out there and see what you all think (all
5 of you who read this on a consistent basis). The ability to
experience the great and the awesome is directly proportionate (like
the math terms?) to the ability to feel the worst. Is water all
that refreshing if you haven't been thirsty first? Is a beautiful
chord all that beautiful if the composer didn't put some dissonance
before it? This doesn't making dealing with the worst any easier,
but it makes me happy for when I feel the best.
I have to learn to make the best of the bad times and know that I can
also experience the good later on down the road. I am in no way
in the worst predicament I could be in, but I think I feel a tough
emotional pull in one direction because it is also possible in the
other direction. I hope this makes sense to those of you who are
not sharing my brain.
Well, I'm gonna go eat.
Peace to all, as much as I can give,
Caleb
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